The Dick Dress Collection

Yes, you heard me right, this is the Dick Dress collection. These are not Bear Dresses, they aren’t even Duck Dresses, it wasn’t a typo either. Apparently I’ve been told there may be a market for Dick Dresses, but perhaps no one has had the balls to tap it yet. Double pun, bam! Get used to puns and double entendres, because if this dress doesn’t inspire limericks, nothing will. Someone commented earlier that it’s not their thing because they don’t worship peni, but I don’t think that’s really the point of the Dick Dress. And yes, it gets capitalized every time.

I think the ladies who opt to wear a Dick Dress probably have bigger Big Dick Energy than most men out there, can I get an Amen sisters? We’re saying look at me, I can handle any dick thing life can throw at me, and you don’t have so say “Pardon my French, young lady” every time you swear, anymore PawPaw.

The original Dick Dress was inspired by my love of the band Ghost, so some of these patterns have Papa Emeritus thrown in there with all the dicks. I mean look at them, they’re classy dicks. They’re not wearing bow ties and tops hats or anything (note to self, I can see this pattern already dammit, I’ll never get any sleep), but they’re fancy dicks all the same. Many wouldn’t even recognize that they’re dicks if they’re the type of people who just float through life never really paying attention to things. And they’re, like, artistic dicks, so like a Michelangelo, maybe it is safe for work sometimes.

If you want to see better pics of the Dick Dresses, come and see them on our Facebook group Bear Cartel, because there aren’t enough dick pics on the Internet. Oh shit, I wonder if they’re going to get flagged on Facebook? It’ll be funny if that’s what gets me Facebook jailed after everything else I’ve said. If I’m Fb jailed or you’re one of those people with enough sense not to have fb, email me, and I’ll send you dick pics. Just these ones, I swear. I was going to name each design in the drop down list, but then I realized I’d go down a slippery dick shaped slope, pretty quickly descending into Dick Dress porn names while describing dick patterns and colours, so we’ll just stick with giving each one a letter, shall we?

Dresses A, B, & C - $65
Dresses D & E - $75
Dresses F, G, H, & I - $60
Dress J - $60
Dresses K & L - $55
Dresses M, N, & O - $60

With shipping included in North America, everywhere else, please contact us for a quote. The Size Charts are in one of the photos, please include your size in the NOTE in your order.